Have you ever woken up in the morning and decided you no longer like something? Or perhaps that favourite TV series just does not resonate with you any more. You don’t dislike it, you do not state it no longer exists, but you have grown and changed and it’s time for something new.
I have a confession to make and it’s been building for a while. But first a little back story.
I have been an ‘Asatru’ pagan for a decade, and a witch for 20 years. I have met some obstacles from other heathens with the fact I have always had a polytheistic approach to believing in all pantheons. For the past 6 months I have been on a personal crusade to better myself as a human being and heal from mental illness. I have been asking some pretrt hard questions, I even had a Sunday where I took myself to a Christian church. I have been neck deep in self help books, different religious texts and spiritual progression.
So, my confession. I am not longer an Asatru pagan. I still believe in Odin, Frigg, Freya, Loki, but it’s time for me to move on and it’s a rather scary prospect.
You see, over the past several months The God Pan has been tapping me on the shoulder, and appearing in my dreams and I feel transported back to when I was a child, obsessed with the greek myths and legends. I revisited that passion I had as a child. It has been marvellous. But then I crashed. I overthought. I broke my spirit.
I have found myself burdened down by labels, so many labels. Eclectic pagan, Heathen, Greek, Pantheistic, Polytheistic, Chaos Magick. So may types and labels that yesterday broke me and I felt lost.
I asked for help, and was thankful to find others who thought as I did, who felt burdened by labels and who also overthought things.
So here is what I believe.
I believe all pantheons exist. However, I do believe some gods and goddesses are the same entity just viewed differently by different people. I believe deities exist as actual beings, not constructs or archetypes. I believe our universe is complex with different levels and multi-verses where different entities exist. I also believe that the universe itself is a living entity, the creator spirit, the spark, and within it lives deities, spirits, entities and of course us. As separate, unique beings with conscious thought.
I believe in the Fae and the Fae realm
I believe in ghosts and spirits.
I believe every living thing has a spirit, a soul. I believe plants and animals can manifest their spirit in the form or personified entities. Such as Nymphs.
I also believe in Demons and angels and this caused several issues in my thought process. Do I believe in the Christian God? Not in the way Christians do, and is not an energy I work with, but I do believe that there are planes of existence where there are beings of light and beings of dark.
I believe in reincarnation.
I believe in magick.
My magical practise may very well change, thought I never really worked with deity while I was Asatru in my magical practise, I worked with my ancestors and Fae and spirits and while I held Frigg and Odin as my matron and patron, I never had a good solid relationship with them. But Pan, I am excited to work with him. Odd, as when I was a child I used to have nightmares about seeing Pan in the woodland near by house and how scary he was. Now as an adult I am like, “Dude, let’s get our wild magical shit on!”
Goddess wise, this is on hold, Frigg will always be special to me, but I think I need someone as twisty and dark as I am.
So, I have been on my pagan path for 20 years and its still changing.
It has been a while since I posted a blog, and I apologise. I promise I have actually been busy and not just procrastinating and vanishing into youtube-watching land. Lots has been happening and I will be updating soon!
Everything is good right now and what do I see as I look down at my desktop diary? The impending date of April 9th. Mercury Retrograde will soon be upon us all. Now, do not panic! There is always allot of buzz around Mercury Retrograde so let me explain what it means.
Astrologically Mercury appears to be movign backward. However it is not. Because of it’s closeness to the sun, and us, 3 (ish) times a year it speeds past Earth. Now, it’s not really going backwards, because of our speed and Mercury’s speed it appears to be going backward. This happens for around 3 weeks and is called retrograde.
What does Mercury control?
Mercury rules communication. This inlcudes reading, speaking learning, reserachin,g editing, buying, selling (you get the point). Mercury also governs over technology.
When a planet retrogrades these area’s tend to go a bit ‘fruit-loopy’. Astrologically this is because when a planet retrogrades it’s basically falling into a slumber state and this is why many report various degree’s of chaos during Mercury’s retrograde.
How does this affect Witchcraft
A full moon is also approaching and I plan on giving a tea-leaf reading to a client that evening. During retrograde. Am I crazy? No. During retrograde (and I have been through many) there are several things I have noticed:
- Petitions to deities and ancestors get lost in translation
I find that any candle magic or jar magic I perform which involves petitioning from a deity or spiritual entity is very very slow acting, almost as if my message got lost in the mail. That said, I have found a stronger energy surrounding my ancestors, house wights and Fey species. Overall, it’s a lot like wifi, it’s hit or miss if you get a signal, and when you do, it’s either very poor or REALLY good.
- Divination and spiritual communication is more or less accurate, understanding however is challenging.
I have experienced really potent and intense readings (both tea-leaf reading and through communicating with spirits). Everything comes through loud and clear, however, my understanding can be lessened. It’s easier to be confused or read mixed signals. This also goes hand in hand with my emotions, I have trouble understanding them. To get through it all, and to make sure I do not misunderstand anything, I first focus on me, as a whole, I meditate, I calm myself, I blog, I journal, I focus on my spiritual self, and make sure I am at my best. Think of it like a spiritual work out before a marathon.
Overall, outside of my magical practise, it’s everything else that goes haywire, and as witches, pagans, empaths or warm heart spiritual souls, we must remember to step back during Retrograde, recharge and look after out spiritual and emotional well-being. Otherwise, we’ll find ourselves weighed down by it all.