I am ugly || Negative voices

I am ugly.

I am worthless

I have such a weird nose

Look at my odd ears

I hate my baby belly

 

Seriously stop it! Why the hell do we do this to ourselves.

I am Feeling blessed to have been able to perform another 2 readings today. I truly hope my readings help people on their spiritual journeys and journeys into self worth and love. I struggle at times when it is clear in my reading that I have to approach a potentially challenging topic.

Sometimes the universe is basically saying, “Stop being an arsehole to yourself.” and I have to phrase that in a constructive way. A helpful way. A healing way.  When in truth, it really does come down to the simple fact.

 

Stop putting yourself down!

But it got me thinking. We spend hours sometimes judging ourselves. Saying we’re ugly, or worthless. WHY? I mean, we would not walk up to stranger in the street, push them against a wall and tell them they’re worthless and ugly for 3 hours. So why do we allow our minds to do this? Because, we have subconsciously learned this behaviour from others. During our developmental years, we have witnessed adults or peers being rude and cruel to other humans beings. Our subconscious has digested this material, saved it up and then uses it when we feel at our lowest. It needs to stop. I know, easier said than done. Especially for those, who like me, have a continuous battle with our inner voice. But it can be done, only when we accept ourselves for who and what we are, inside and out can we allow ourselves to truly get one with life.

For me I write things I like about myself. I repeat them in the mirror daily. These are my personal mood boosting affirmations.

So, what do you say to yourself that you wouldnt dream of saying to another person? Whatever it is, be nice to yourself. You’re a person too. Unless you’re a cat. In that case, carry on being an awesome Cat. Here is a kitten gif to make you happy. tenor

 

Return to Home Education

Education. Not school.

 

Erin was previously home educated due to her special educational needs. During the stress of the year 6 SATs we de-registered her from school. Erin has generalised epilepsy which manifests in absences, jerks and drops. When she was in Primary school I had informed the school and made repeated requests for her to be assessed by SEN for support. I was informed as she was not disruptive in class she would not get funding.

Just before we took her out of school her teacher approached me as there was a school trip and I had to send Erin with her medication. Her teacher did not know she had epilepsy. When I informed her it was documented and that her absences can be witnessed by eye rolling, the teacher said to me,

 

“Oh is that was it is. She has a lot of those.”

 

Yes. Erin has up to 50 episodes. Episodes where she is not conscious and misses words, sentences and conversations. The school ignored all of this.

 

We thought secondary school would be different. She started, she made friends, all was great. Until yesterday. While she had a care plan in place, there was not a day in which Erin did not have a lesson in which a regular teacher was elsewhere and a sub was in place. A sub who did not know Erin had epilepsy and shouted at her for not paying attention when in fact she was having an episode. Then yesterday I informed the school Erin had an appointment with her neurologist. She has had 5 appointments this term due to ongoing issues with her medication. Each time, her meds are upped and of course we have a follow up. The plan is to find something that stops all seizures. She has also missed 5 days of school at separate times due to having several bad nights with her epilepsy which leaves her exhausted. Which anyone can imagine if you have ever lost consciousness. No, her attendance was not good. But, those times I have taken Erin to school after bad episodes the school phones me to collect her. Any way, so I had a phone call which they have stated I need to provide not only proof of appointments but also proof of attendance and that Erin can’t have any more sickness without a doctors note.

You can imagine my face. I was not impressed.

 

Insert Erin has been subjected to bullying and has voiced her opinion several times that she has not learned anything due to several violent students within the class. Chairs have been thrown, tables broken, attacks and fights. I spoke to Erin this evening and we had a good chat in which she has decided she wants to return to home education. She wants to return to her home education clubs. Most importantly she said to me, “Mum, I want to learn things!”

 

So along side my witchery things I shall also be blogging about our home-ed journey!

 

Warmest blessings

 

Li

x

Hair is not beauty: Why I shaved my head

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Since shaving my head I have been asked the same questions repeatedly by people: Why did you shave your hair off? Does your partner like it? Are you going to grow it back?

I have then heard the following statements: Wow, you’re brave! I wish I had the guts to do that! It suits you so much!

Here’s the deal. Your hair style does not change your face. It does not change how you look. Your perception of your true self changes depending on your confidence. Hair, clothes, makeup, none of this really changes how your face looks. These things do change how YOU feel about yourself and this is where I have a huge problem with society.

Women are shown from an early age a set of expectations. We see aisles of hair products, magazines promoting hair styles, all with the phrases of, “Feel beautiful” “Look great!” It’s advertising. It’s a business and it’s a load of rubbish.

My hair gradually started getting shorter and shorter over the past few years, with side shaves, undercuts and Mohawks. Then, a month ago I realised I’d had enough. If I had a bad hair day I would feel ugly. My hair had not changed my face. I still had the same face, but the media and society had already dug their claws in and brainwashed me into believing my hair was directly linked to how attractive I was to the outside world, and to me. This did not sit right with me. So I shaved my hair off. It’s just hair.

Since shaving my hair off I have never had a bad hair day, I have never felt down, low or unattractive and more importantly I am finally seeing me. I see the real me. My face is just my face, and has always been the same face. Removing my hair made me come to terms with a great many things, and I do not plan on growing my hair back.  My bangs used to hide my frown lines, now I embrace my frown lines. The laugh lines I used to hide are on full view to the world and I can finally focus on just being me. When I see adverts for hair products or hair styles, using words to lure the buyer into thinking that product will make them attractive, I roll my eyes. You are attractive, your hair does not define you, and it should not define you.

Historically hair was a sign of wealth, the more hair you had, the bigger you had, the higher up you were. It’s been a status thing. So perhaps me shaving my head is a status thing too, a status stating I do not give a shit about how society dictates I should look, feel and more importantly what is viewed as attractive.

We’re all beautiful. With or without hair. Your beauty is on YOUR terms. No one else’s. Do not let them define you.

Gofundme

http://www.gofundme.com/Lisagibbins

Shameless. Hopeless. Help.

Time… Or lack of it. Day in the Life.

Writing-2

I struggle sometimes with finding time to write, especially the past week. The free time I have found, I have used for my other hobbies, being playing xbox or catching up on reading. It was my daughter’s 10th birthday on Wednesday, and the past week has been filled with plans and present wrapping. Thursday was her birthday party in which she invited 4 friends over and I was left in a numb state of audio shock. Who would have thought 4 small, dainty little creatures could create so much noise? Think their sonic screaming and giggling episode left me with a burst ear drum lol. So, come Friday in typical family fashion, myself and my daughter both came down with a throat/chest cold thing.

I feel guilty for not writing, so today I managed 400 words while heavily medicated and with several cups of coffee down me.  So, as a reward am blogging. I told myself I would not post a blog until I had done some writing, so if a blog is not posted one day, you know why.

Someone asked me the other day how I fill my day up, they had visions of me doing very little, lounging around with little responsibilities. So, below I will explain the life of a stay at home writing mother 🙂

7am: Get up. Drink coffee. Drink more coffee. Contemplate the possibility of building a teleport machine to teleport daughter to school. Still half asleep, stub toe on door frame.

7:15 am: Awaken daughter. Five minutes later wake her up again. Last resort pick ten year old up, carry into front room. Place cup of tea and breakfast infront of her. Watch for signs of life.

7:30 am converse with Partner about how mornings suck. Drink more coffee. Make packed lunches. Get myself washed, dressed and semi-presentable.

8am: Tell daughter to get dressed. Help her with her hair, pack school bag.

8.30am: Leave for school. Walk daughter the 1.8 mile walk to school, vacantly stand in school playground along side other zombie-like mothers and fathers. Wave goodbye to child. Walk home.

9.30 am. Return home after saying hello to every cat I met on the walk back.  Tell partner all about the cats I met. Become quite passionate about cats. Think about creating a cat character for a story.

9.40am Make all beds, open curtains. Put washing machine one. Tidy kitchen. Drink coffee.

10 am Open lap top. Stare at laptop. Go and harass partner. Move from coffee onto tea.

11 am Settle down to write, partner starts playing x-box. Begin backseat gaming and giving “helpful” advice.

12 noon : walk around house listening to music, Write whole novel in my head. Triumphantly sit down before laptop to write. Manage one word.

1pm Say goodbye to Partner as he goes to work. Get vacuum cleaner out. Dust and clean whole house.

2pm, Get a few more pages down of novel down.

2:45 Head out to collect daughter from school. Say hello to every cat I see.

3:30 Return home after cat spotting with daughter. Discuss how we should get a cat. Help daughter with homework and school book reading.

4pm: Begin preparing dinner.

5pm Have dinner

6pm Do a little more writing.

7pm Help daughter have a shower and do some reading.

8pm Get daughter into bed. Tidy house up. Look at dishes. Contemplate doing dishes. Spend several minutes eyeing up dishes before finally doing them.

8:30 pm knuckle down with some serious writing.

9:30 pm Have bath.

10:15 pm Welcome partner home, tell him all about cats, school playgrounds and usually end up having a major giggle fit due to him always managing to make me laugh. Nurse pulled rib muscles from laughing so much and head to bed.

I would write allot more, but I enjoy spending time with my family. I am not sure if it counts as procrastination, maybe I should harden up and just knuckle down but I find, I write more in the short moments I have, surrounded by love, hugs and laughter, than I ever did when alone 🙂