Have you ever woken up in the morning and decided you no longer like something? Or perhaps that favourite TV series just does not resonate with you any more. You don’t dislike it, you do not state it no longer exists, but you have grown and changed and it’s time for something new.
I have a confession to make and it’s been building for a while. But first a little back story.
I have been an ‘Asatru’ pagan for a decade, and a witch for 20 years. I have met some obstacles from other heathens with the fact I have always had a polytheistic approach to believing in all pantheons. For the past 6 months I have been on a personal crusade to better myself as a human being and heal from mental illness. I have been asking some pretrt hard questions, I even had a Sunday where I took myself to a Christian church. I have been neck deep in self help books, different religious texts and spiritual progression.
So, my confession. I am not longer an Asatru pagan. I still believe in Odin, Frigg, Freya, Loki, but it’s time for me to move on and it’s a rather scary prospect.
You see, over the past several months The God Pan has been tapping me on the shoulder, and appearing in my dreams and I feel transported back to when I was a child, obsessed with the greek myths and legends. I revisited that passion I had as a child. It has been marvellous. But then I crashed. I overthought. I broke my spirit.
I have found myself burdened down by labels, so many labels. Eclectic pagan, Heathen, Greek, Pantheistic, Polytheistic, Chaos Magick. So may types and labels that yesterday broke me and I felt lost.
I asked for help, and was thankful to find others who thought as I did, who felt burdened by labels and who also overthought things.
So here is what I believe.
I believe all pantheons exist. However, I do believe some gods and goddesses are the same entity just viewed differently by different people. I believe deities exist as actual beings, not constructs or archetypes. I believe our universe is complex with different levels and multi-verses where different entities exist. I also believe that the universe itself is a living entity, the creator spirit, the spark, and within it lives deities, spirits, entities and of course us. As separate, unique beings with conscious thought.
I believe in the Fae and the Fae realm
I believe in ghosts and spirits.
I believe every living thing has a spirit, a soul. I believe plants and animals can manifest their spirit in the form or personified entities. Such as Nymphs.
I also believe in Demons and angels and this caused several issues in my thought process. Do I believe in the Christian God? Not in the way Christians do, and is not an energy I work with, but I do believe that there are planes of existence where there are beings of light and beings of dark.
I believe in reincarnation.
I believe in magick.
My magical practise may very well change, thought I never really worked with deity while I was Asatru in my magical practise, I worked with my ancestors and Fae and spirits and while I held Frigg and Odin as my matron and patron, I never had a good solid relationship with them. But Pan, I am excited to work with him. Odd, as when I was a child I used to have nightmares about seeing Pan in the woodland near by house and how scary he was. Now as an adult I am like, “Dude, let’s get our wild magical shit on!”
Goddess wise, this is on hold, Frigg will always be special to me, but I think I need someone as twisty and dark as I am.
So, I have been on my pagan path for 20 years and its still changing.